our first christmas

Christmas IS real.

CQs first Christmas and it's as if I finally get it. Her presence and experience really governed the whole thing for me.

Her Grandma and Grandpa couldn't have done a better job at creating Christmas, it's a child's dream.

My favorite moment was when CQ came into the room after taking her morning nap. Her face lit up like I have not seen before. She looked each one of us in the face giving a chuckle and an excited kick. And I realize this is why we do it all, for these moments, for that look, and for the excitement of being together and sharing dreams. This felt like my first Christmas...

mmmm...

I do feel the joy of the season!:) I also feel the tender emotions that becomes especially vulnerable during this time, the expectation and craziness of gift shopping, the end of the year last minute deadlines and yet all I want to do is put my feet up and honor the sense that it's actually time to slow down. We are in the midst of winter after all. A natural time of hibernation, my baby has me house bound at least half the day and still when I look out the window it all seems to be moving at the speed of light. What is going on? (I am reminded of a quote by Holiday Matinee: Work your love and love your work!) It is three days till Christmas and our tree has been up for two weeks. I am proud to say it's still alive. Yes, we have a real tree, a ritual taught by my husband and one I have learnt to love. CQ helped pick this one out.

CQ loves a trees. Every afternoon when I take her outside to catch the last of the sunshine, she grins from ear to ear as I greet the tree with a friendly "hello Boom(tree)". She reaches out and gives it a good pat down and giggles at it, is as if she's communicating with it in some secret language, its one of my favorite moments. The whole ritual of Christmas has escalated for me, since having CQ. Ryan has always loved Christmas more than anyone I have ever met, but now having the opportunity to set the tone for CQ for this event is really kind of fun. My arms ache under the weight of this 8month old that loves the view from up high. I am currently not allowed to put her down. If I do she will find me and stand up against my legs and insist on being picked up. So I have acquired a few skills, vacuuming with one hand, cutting bread and mixing salad with her sitting on my hip, I'm sure the fly on the wall has a giggle at our antics. MetaMama: "being a parent is constant... I thought something profound might show up, but thats it. It's the only constant I have ever experienced in my life."

need I say more...

Winter

It's winter in San Diego.

Christmas Trees are available on every shopping corner. Lights are up and inflatables are hanging out on the front lawns. People are buzzing to get their Xmas shopping done. I haven't even started, I'm still wrapping my head around the early nightfall, the sun setting at 5PM. We will go find our perfect tree this weekend and start the festivities that will make CQ's eyes shine.

No-one loves Xmas like her Pappa. He even has me excited about all that the season has to offer. Yet I have to admit that I am feeling a sense of sadness when I am out and about. Ry reminded me that we live in a military town and the season will inevitably highlight those alone at home with husbands or wives far away in unfamiliar territory, making people on edge and sad. I keep my smile going but I feel the season and its moods nudging at my heart strings. It's been an incredible year of visitors in our new home.

CQ's life is filled with so much love from across the seas.

More please, and stay a while...